Let's be honest. Whether you're addressing a chronic performance issue, giving feedback that might sting, or finally naming the tension that's been building, difficult conversations are a part of nonprofit leadership.

And yet, if you moved from the frontline into leadership, (like most nonprofit leaders) chances are no one taught you the soft skills necessary to manage difficult conversations, which is why they are often tougher than they need to be.

Maybe you've got a policy. If you're lucky, you may’ve had time to document the issue. And if you are really intentional about how you lead, you'll have prepared what you'll say. But here's the question we don't ask often enough: Who will you be when you say it?

Leading with character

As a nonprofit woman leader, you often juggle staff supervision, daily administrative tasks, and the constant demands of client needs, deadlines, and team morale. You've got so much going on that you're drained and don't have a lot of energy for the extra challenges.

When faced with dealing with something extra that requires one of those "tough talks," women leaders in the nonprofit sector often say that they dread it and want to get through the conversation as quickly as possible. They want to be "clear and non-emotional," hoping if they get the words right, the discomfort will go away and the problem will resolve quickly.

What I've learned, is that difficult conversations are not just about content. They're about character and moments that reveal your values, your integrity, and the kind of leader you're becoming.

1. It's not just what you say.
2. It's how you show up to say it.

Your tone, emotional control, and your ability to stay aligned with your values shape the outcome and how others see you. Over time, these interactions build (or break) your reputation and your character.

Building character into a hard conversation

Jessica had an upcoming conversation she was dreading. In the past, she'd either shut down or come in hot, raising her voice, rushing her words, or tearing up in frustration. None of those approaches left her feeling confident or proud. Over time, those emotional reactions chipped away at her team's trust, leaving her staff unsure of how she'd respond and hesitant to be fully open with her.

This time, she chose a different path; one rooted in a growing awareness that how she handled the moment would shape both her character and her reputation as a leader.

1. She paused so she could be intentional.
2. She asked herself, not what do I need to do, but instead, Who do I want to be in this meeting? What is the impact I want to have?
3. She clarified how she wanted the employee to feel by the end of the meeting (supported).
4. She identified that she wanted to feel confident and be seen as fair.
5. She planned how she'd open the conversation.
6. She decided to go for a short walk beforehand to manage her emotions and get grounded.

What changed?

She didn't just deliver the message. She delivered it with integrity and was clear on her impact. Jessica walked out of the conversation relieved and proud of how she had led it. The employee left feeling respected, heard, and motivated to move forward. Jessica's shift didn't happen by accident. It came from doing the inner work of developing her character and creating her own plan to help her lead with integrity.

If you want to lead difficult conversations with the same clarity and integrity, these five leadership mantras will guide you through the moments that matter most.

Pause before you proceed

Before entering the meeting, take a moment. Breathe. Reconnect to your values, your beliefs, your strengths and your purpose.
Ask: How can I bring the best version of me into this room?

The practice of pausing is at the heart of the Infinite Leadership Loop, a core framework in my book, Character Driven Leadership for Women. It's in intentional moments of stillness that you can access your inner wisdom, shift out of reaction mode, and choose to lead with integrity and purpose. Without the pause, it's nearly impossible to be the leader you're striving to become.

Emotions are not the enemy

Suppressing emotion doesn't make you stronger. It makes you reactive. The goal isn't to be unemotional. It's to be emotionally intelligent. Notice what you're feeling. Name it. Breathe through it. Then, choose how to express it. That's what helps you lead with composure.

Curiosity is critical

When facing a difficult conversation, go in with questions, not assumptions. Using forward-facing "what" and "how" questions rather than "why" questions that can put people on the defensive.

Curiosity helps you uncover solutions instead of staying stuck in blame. While inner curiosity fuels your personal growth, outer curiosity, asking thoughtful, forward-facing questions, creates trust and psychological safety in tough conversations. When you bring that kind of curiosity into supervision, you change the tone of the conversation. Instead of putting someone on the spot, you invite them into the process. That's what builds trust, understanding, and shared accountability.

When addressing a burned-out employee who's personally invested in the mission, curiosity might sound like: 'How can we realign your workload with what fuels your passion?'"

Put relationship before responsibility in staff supervision

Effective leaders build relationships that create trust and engagement. Yes, you need to address the issue. But don't forget: your job isn't just to correct, it's to grow and develop people.

When having a tough conversation, demonstrate vulnerability by looking the person in the eye. Ask how they're doing. Don't skip the human part, especially when the topic is hard. Every conversation is an opportunity to grow someone, not just address the problem at hand.

Inner work is the work of nonprofit women leaders

Hard conversations test your composure, your courage, and your values, but they're also where leadership character is formed.

Ask yourself:

• What value is being triggered for me?
• What kind of leader do I want to be remembered as in this moment?

This kind of reflection isn't fluff. It gives you the clarity, confidence and composure you crave to lead when the pressure is high.

Don't dread staff supervision

What if instead of white-knuckling your way through difficult conversations, you saw them as everyday opportunities to become the kind of leader you want to be?

It's not about having all the answers. It's about learning to pause, reflect, and lead from your strengths, making value-based decisions, and leading with your ethics, especially when things get hard.

The truth is, conversations don't change because you get better at shutting off your emotions; they change because you become more aligned and intentional about how you're having the conversation and who you are that's showing up. That is character-driven leadership.

Kathy Archer knows what it's like to constantly put out fires, question every decision, and carry the weight of an entire organization. She was once that overwhelmed nonprofit leader, teetering on the edge of burnout. Now, as a leadership development coach, she helps nonprofit leaders to lead with confidence, set boundaries and finally take control. She is the author of Mastering Confidence and Character-Driven Leadership for Women, the host of the Surviving to Thriving Podcast, and the creator of The Training Library.